Well, new year in 2008??? wanna start new sem oledi but now still remain boring at home.... I hv to wait for few days then go to kl. Bored... Bored and BORED.
Everyone wish to hv a new and good start in the beginning of year but for me is juz let it be. Haha~~~ is it i don believe myself or wat? Me juz hope can study well and get good result.
Haiz... At home, i feel very annoying as everyday scolding can be heard coz many ppl om bad temper. Wah... I think is good for me to fight back but.... NAH... Me wont do that as it will be worst. Somehow my sis say tat is a good choice for me for not coming back for the coming May holiday. Well, is it true? Will i get homesick? But at home cant feel better either coz anger and scolding are around.
Today i quarrel wif my bro as he ask me for money AGAIN... Me of coz reject and refuse to give him. Wat he say to me is hurting me. He owes wish me will never go back home as i am nothing for him. For my mum, i really feel upset sometime. She say me is useless and do nothing at home. I really hv done lots of housework but she think is to be my responsibility. Y? Got other ppl. Y owes me? If i go kl, she even hire a maid to do the housework. But y when i back owes ask me this and tat and never let me hv my own time. She says i am useless. Is it really me? Am i so useless?
I ask many times in my heart as this is not the first time they say like that to me. Y say like tat? They donno tat i will get hurt? Never think of my feeling? Y i am the one who owes thinks of their feeling? Wat about mine? I am the one who is owes left behind without care. i owes ask why, why, WHY??? So unfair...
Mum once tell me that she likes to scold me as me never fight back. But for longer time, i really feel bad. Can u imagine for few years since primary school i do houseworks... For her, is nothing of it. Then nvm. I can help her. But Y she never appreciate indeed owes scold and say this and say that. Is it my work really cannot satisfied her?? Sometimes i really think no one care of me. That is y i hv physcology problem since small. I used to think of cs since primary school or run away from home. But in reality, me hv no guts at all. Y? Coz the reality is owes cruel.
These all is the feeling in my heart. All negative thinking. However, in this 2008, i think most of time i will be in uni life. Hopefully is totally different and enjoyable. Actually these words are all hide in my heart for YEARS. Today i hv chance to write it out coz they really make me disappointed AGAIN. If let my mum know i write like this, i am sure doomed. Haha~~~ Actually no much ppl know my blog. So far only lh. Hey, if u read this, don jio me arr. Kill u then u know. How i know u add me oledi. Then sure u will know i update my blog.
Actually, my family isnt tat bad. Juz they owes ignored my feeling. My style oledi very sui bian and cincai leh. If not, who can stand it. If i can face it happily, is ok for me to handle it. But when i am dull and upset while meet this case, sure i feel worse. Juz i think maybe this is wat life should be. No matter wat, they are still my lovely family member and there is owes a warm home for me. I know i should not be in negative thinking but this blog is just to make me feel better. No other purpose.
Anyway, the world is still lovely and warm. ^^ Hopefully i will hv a nice year in 2008 although i hv a bad day in the first day of 2008. Smile owes to make myself happier although sometime is like pura-pura. Who know?? However smile will make me feel better. ^^ Hope to go kl soon to continue my study and it will be glad to meet my coursemate again.
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i thought u said ur bro started to respect u?? how come like this one?? and tell him plz, it is not a must, and not ur responsibility to give him money, only when u want to then only u give... it is not a rules for u to follow... and dun take things for granted, i know i say like that a bit hurt la, he is still ur bro but i think it is better to let him know instead of only rejecting him...
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